I fall easily. That’s not even an understatement. I carry my heart in my hands and because I’m clumsy, I drop it often. With falling easily, I’m also sceptical and cynical. I fall easily, but not for just anyone. Because I don’t trust easily. What a contradiction this all is.
It’s strange really. When you love being in love, but relationships scare you. The whole commitment and vulnerability thing. Daunting. I’ve never allowed anyone to come close enough to even bring up the idea of a relationship. But recently, for the first time in my life, I was the one who thought about it. Yea, it was strange.
I’m fairly independent. Love my own space way too much. Can spend days in my room, just writing. And to top it off, the definition of awkward. I’ve never been in a relationship. Usually the very idea of one would make me run for the hills. Some things happened in my past, that made me lose trust in men, and despise relationships. So why on earth would this crazy thing cross my mind?
Cause I met someone. Okay, it’s not like that…Let me explain. I met someone and in an instant there was that soul connection. It’s like you feel an invisible string between you, pulling you closer, before you’ve even seen what they look like. You feel this warmth in your chest. And you feel peace.
And for the first time, I thought what would being in a soul connected, Jesus centred relationship be like? The men in my past, lets just say they represented men badly. So, if we can take the opposite of all of that, what would it be like? For the first time, I thought about what I truly wanted. (Who knew one man can draw so many thoughts out of you).
We constantly hear songs, saying how amazing women are. Exalting them. Placing them on pedestals. And that’s great. Men sing these songs where they cry desperately how they can’t live without the girl and how she is their entire world, and the only thing I can think of while changing the channel is, thank goodness I’m not that girl. I can’t begin to say how many articles I’ve read about how to keep a man and the argument of who should text first and the biggest killer, all these rules when it comes to dating. As someone who has strong maternal insticts and looking at this from a mother’s point of view, if my future daughters had to base their relationships on all of this, it would only lead to one thing. Dysfunction.
For me personally, I don’t want a guy to be fully focused on me. I don’t want to be his entire world. I don’t want to be his everything. A man who’s focus is on Jesus Christ, that is a man I can be with. Someone who puts the Father first above everything else. Including me. A man who takes care of me, but will never place me above the calling on his life. A man who doesn’t just know Jesus. He has a close relationship with Him.
A man who loves me like Christ but doesn’t forget who Loved Him First, that is a man I can love.
A man who moves mountains means nothing to me, unless he’s moving mountains with the power of God inside of him. And a man who speaks well means nothing to me, unless the words leaving his lips are honourable to God. I appreciate a goodlooking man as much as anyone, but as I have come to learn, I fall for the soul first before I fall for the face. I fall in love with the Spirit of God inside of him before I fall for his eyes.
I never want to be placed first in a man’s life. I never want to be placed above his relationship with God. I don’t want to be the reason his relationship with Christ is deteriorating.
To me, it’s incredibly important to be with a man who seeks the Kingdom first. Who imitates Jesus and lives out his love. And because he Loves God, and God is love and that love lives inside of him, he will be able to love me the same way. And I will be able to love him the same. Because our focus is not on each other. But on God. And the closer we draw to God, the closer we become as man and women. The more we push each other to know the Father, the more we’re pushed into each other’s arms. Love looks like something. And love requires vulnerability.
And I think, that’s the most beautiful part about falling in love. Becoming vulnerable in front of your Creator. Falling in love with the Maker of Heavens who loved you first.
Love and Blessings