Self-depreciation is not humility

I have a story to tell and I might be a lil crucified for it but okay. In the past nineteen years of being alive, there have been times where I have absolutely hated myself. Comparison was my best friend, addiction was my partner, depression kept me company, and suicide romanced me. It’s sickening to think of it now. I grew up in a world where it was wrong to love yourself. I started feeling guilty for even thinking for a moment that I looked good in a certain pair of jeans or that perhaps I actually looked pretty in a dress. No, these thoughts were wrong. How dare I think such a thing. I was told that people were created to hate themselves. That after all is called humility. To think you’re a piece of shit is humility. It didn’t make sense. As far as I knew, God doesn’t make crap. So if we’re “crap” and think of ourselves as such, how is that taking on the mindset of Christ, and how is it then possible for God to love us?

I always tend to quote Kris V on this. “Not only is God Himself the one who painted us, so to speak, but Jesus was the one who sat in the chair and modeled for the masterpiece. We didn’t create ourselves. God created us. We are the work of His hands. When we tear ourselves down, we aren’t being humble. We’re being stupid…there is a lie still alive and well in the minds of many Christians, a lie that strategically keeps us from walking in the fullness of our identity in Christ. This lie tells us that any recognition of our strength or goodness is pride, and that the only way to deal with pride is to demean ourselves, which is humility. The truth is that neither pride to recognize our strengths nor humility to demean them. This kind of false humility keeps the saints in darkness and results us in never stepping into our destinies. By telling us that humility means convincing ourselves we are nobodies, many Christian leaders have sold God’s people into theological slavery. This belief system has not cured pride but has worked to destroy the confidence of God’s people. True humility is not the absence of confidence but strength restrained. The only way we can truly be humble is to have an honest assessment of ourselves before God.”

2017 has been an interesting year to say the least because in my nineteen years of being alive, this has been the first year where I have come to be comfortable in my skin and learn to love myself as a raw, vulnerable being. When I have nothing to hide my face or cover my soul. Where I have stopped allowing men to treat me like garbage. Where I have cut people out of my life the minute they treat me a certain way that is not acceptable. Where I have stopped subduing my personality because I was afraid people would think I’m too much. All in all, I just stopped hiding and started seeing myself for who I am and How God sees me.  

I still struggle with comparison sometimes. Okay a lot. I see these girls and for a moment you forget about your own beauty and only focus on theirs. I still struggle with compliments and believing someone when they say they love me. Some days I wake up and I feel like the worst human being on earth. But through that, it never lasts too long. Cause God kinda gave me a reality check this one time after an incident I had. Whenever I got compliments, I used to shy away and say thank you softly. It embarrassed me and made me awkward. After reading an interesting post, I decided to take a different approach to things.

Right so this is how it plays out. I’m walking down the street heading to the store, when this one guy approaches me. He gives me a bunch of cheesy compliments and whatnot, and instead of shying away from it as usual, I look him straight in the eye, and say, “Thank you, my Creator thinks I’m pretty great as well.” (It was really difficult not to laugh). He immediately backtracked saying I’m an arrogant bitch and need to climb off my pedestal and this is how one guy made my day. This incident was amusing.

The world has brought complete and utter shame to knowing who you are, loving yourself, and believing your identity in Christ. The world frowns upon it because they believe humility is bringing yourself down and constantly self-depreciating. No. God love us. And the Word says love others as you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself for the way God created you, you won’t be able to love others. A lot of people think Christians are becoming more arrogant. In truth, more Christians are just beginning to realize who they are created to be. Who their Creator is. And where their identity is. Knowing you are created as Royalty is not arrogant. It’s losing the Pauper mentality and taking on Christ’s mentality.

Love and Blessings 

Milanie xx

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