The other day, I was explaining the brozone to my dad. Well, my version of the brozone that I implement in my own life.
The first thing that needs to be stated is this. I don’t date. I don’t go on random dates with strangers. And I certainly do not find myself alone with men I don’t know. Why? Because I have a bad history with guys where I’ve been sexually harassed and assualted, and dates where these kind of things took place. God brought complete restoration in those areas. But He also gave me wisdom and knowledge to not place myself in situations that could place me in compromising or dangerous situations. In a way this has isolated me. Men do not understand this notion. I have had guys ask me out, and I would suggest hanging out with a group of friends etc or just hanging out as friends. They’d disappear immediately. The most drastic step I’ve taken was this one time I went on a date with a guy, and I was so unsure of it that my best friend decided to stay close by, just to keep an eye on me.
The brozone has saved me from various things. So this is how my version of the brozone works. No, I’m not brother zoning the poor guy. I already have two brothers. I don’t need anymore. Basically what it means is this. I tend to call most guys “Dude” or “Bro.” I am known by these words, “Bro, no.” It’s a habit. From the start I establish the boundaries of friendship. If guys get pissed that I want to be friends with them instead of just jumping into a relationship, they tend to just disappear. This way, I have come to learn, it filters out those who wants someone for selfish reasons.
I only consider dating someone after being their friend first for a period of time. After I’ve gotten to know them well, in a group setting but also individual setting. A good relationship flows naturally from a good friendship. If the friendship doesn’t come naturally, the relationship won’t either. With that being said, not all friendships are meant to lead to relationships. Sometimes you just really need a good friend. I have three good guy friends, who mean the absolute world to me, and none of us can even imagine being romantically involved. This has been something we’ve established from the start. And this is what a person needs in your life.
All my friendships are built on a strong foundation of Jesus, sarcasm and memes. I know a lot of people. I’m a huge extrovert and can talk to anyone. But there’s a difference between talking to someone and becoming their friend. When they’re your friend, you invest in them. You improve their lives. You help them grow and you go on a journey together. When friendship is built on anything other than that, like ulterior motives, that friendship won’t last. And a relationship even less.
People have told me often times that I am being selfish or I play hard to get, because I find it easy to talk to guys and become friends with them. But not date anyone. For me personally, investing in someone is a big deal. I come from a family of businessmen and businesswomen. They do not just jump at any opportunity to make money. They test it out. They analyze it. They weigh in risk and reward. They pray about it. They contemplate what they can offer towards the opportunity. Cause if you can’t offer it something, that wasn’t there before, then what’s the point?And then they execute.
I handle my life the same way. Call me old fashioned, but if I can’t see myself being friends with you first, I definitely can’t see myself dating you. In a relationship you need to be my best friend, cause friendship will always stand in the midst of a good relationship. My parents are the prime example of it.
So, no. I don’t just jump into dates or relationships. I don’t want to be pressured into a relationship, when I’ve clearly said I’m not up for it. And I do not appreciate it when people question my standards. I know my worth, and I know my heart, and I know that if he was worth it, he wouldn’t mind being my friend first, and growing together towards Jesus first.
If you can’t be my friend first, then Bro, just no.
Love and Blessings