Bro, No

The other day, I was explaining the brozone to my dad. Well, my version of the brozone that I implement in my own life.

The first thing that needs to be stated is this. I don’t date. I don’t go on random dates with strangers. And I certainly do not find myself alone with men I don’t know. Why? Because I have a bad history with guys where I’ve been sexually harassed and assualted, and dates where these kind of things took place. God brought complete restoration in those areas. But He also gave me wisdom and knowledge to not place myself in situations that could place me in compromising or dangerous situations. In a way this has isolated me. Men do not understand this notion. I have had guys ask me out, and I would suggest hanging out with a group of friends etc or just hanging out as friends. They’d disappear immediately. The most drastic step I’ve taken was this one time I went on a date with a guy, and I was so unsure of it that my best friend decided to stay close by, just to keep an eye on me.

The brozone has saved me from various things. So this is how my version of the brozone works. No, I’m not brother zoning the poor guy. I already have two brothers. I don’t need anymore. Basically what it means is this. I tend to call most guys “Dude” or “Bro.” I am known by these words, “Bro, no.” It’s a habit. From the start I establish the boundaries of friendship. If guys get pissed that I want to be friends with them instead of just jumping into a relationship, they tend to just disappear. This way, I have come to learn, it filters out those who wants someone for selfish reasons. 

I only consider dating someone after being their friend first for a period of time. After I’ve gotten to know them well, in a group setting but also individual setting. A good relationship flows naturally from a good friendship. If the friendship doesn’t come naturally, the relationship won’t either. With that being said, not all friendships are meant to lead to relationships. Sometimes you just really need a good friend. I have three good guy friends, who mean the absolute world to me, and none of us can even imagine being romantically involved. This has been something we’ve established from the start. And this is what a person needs in your life.

All my friendships are built on a strong foundation of Jesus, sarcasm and memes. I know a lot of people. I’m a huge extrovert and can talk to anyone. But there’s  a difference between talking to someone and becoming their friend. When they’re your friend, you invest in them. You improve their lives. You help them grow and you go on a journey together.  When friendship is built on anything other than that, like ulterior motives, that friendship won’t last. And a relationship even less.

People have told me often times that I am being selfish or I play hard to get, because I find it easy to talk to guys and become friends with them. But not date anyone. For me personally, investing in someone is a big deal. I come from a family of businessmen and businesswomen. They do not just jump at any opportunity to make money. They test it out. They analyze it. They weigh in risk and reward. They pray about it. They contemplate what they can offer towards the opportunity. Cause if you can’t offer it something, that wasn’t there before, then what’s the point?And then they execute. 

I handle my life the same way. Call me old fashioned, but if I can’t see myself being friends with you first, I definitely can’t see myself dating you. In a relationship you need to be my best friend, cause friendship will always stand in the midst of a good relationship. My parents are the prime example of it.

So, no. I don’t just jump into dates or relationships. I don’t want to be pressured into a relationship, when I’ve clearly said I’m not up for it. And I do not appreciate it when people question my standards. I know my worth, and I know my heart, and I know that if he was worth it, he wouldn’t mind being my friend first, and growing together towards Jesus first.

If you can’t be my friend first, then Bro, just no.

Love and Blessings

Milanie

Life update

Three months until I move to the States. Wow. Things are moving along much too fast. Stress levels are rising. Taking more caution over what crosses my lips, and that the only words to leave are either the Word or positivity. Because life and death are in the power of the tongue.

So what’s in store for the next upcoming month of May?

  • The first matter of hand will be the Passport. Fortunately I was able to apply online so things are bound to move a little faster. Preparing myself to wake up at five to be at home affairs at six. Not something I’m looking forward to when I usually get up at 9am and go to bed at 4am.
  • In the next two weeks I’ll be getting my I-20 form to apply for my visa. Then I’ll need to apply for an appointment with the Embassy. Go to the appointment and prove that I’m eligible to enter the country. Then finally get my visa. Praying that the Passport will come quickly and that this process won’t take long.
  • I’ll be housesitting for this incredibly amazing family, who has given me access to uncappped wifi, netflix, a Jacuzzi, two kittens and an oversized pitbull puppy while they’re away for a week. So during this week, I’ll be on the couch answering tons of emails while receiving cuddles from these three. 
  • Along with that, I’ll be sending my first book manuscript to the agency. If they’re into it, it will be sent on to a publisher and who knows, perhaps by this time next year I will officially be known as a published author.
  • Lastly, on the 21st of May, all deposits will need to be paid for Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry and my apartment in Redding, California. 


School Life?

I’m still currently at Cape Town School of Supernatural Ministry, and will be “transferring” in August. The people in my class and Revival group are absolutely incredible and have changed my life with their love, prayers and support. I’m not ready to think about the fact that I won’t be seeing any of them again for an entire year.

Love life?
Let’s not talk about that just yet. We’ll see what God does.

Testimonies of how God has been working in my life lately?

I tend to always have some sort of testimony. The first one is the fact that I got an apartment in Redding so quickly. And also got accepted at Bethel in a matter of a week after applying, even with my bad past and all. Then the $72 that has been paid into my account as a contribution to Bethel. God has been providing  none stop and I’m so excited for the things that are taking place.

Love and Blessings

Milanie xx

Moving out

The other week I got an email. My application for an apartment in Redding, California was accepted.

The idea of moving out permanently is accompanied with a strong feeling of nostalgia and sadness wrapped together in excitement. For the past nineteen years, I’ve been living with my family. The last 5 months I’ve been living mainly out of a suitecase, not being at home often, and although it wasn’t always easy, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything. But now…It’s different.

We’ve had a lot of ups and downs. My family went through a lot. And I suppose these things have brought us closer together. My two sisters and I had a lot of differences. Personality clashes, I always say. But I can’t imagine my life without them. 

My sisters and I always had movie nights together. We would drag our matresses to the huge living room, and cover the entire floor with them. Blankets, pillows and more blankets followed. We would order too much pizza and eat so much chocolate we felt sick the next day. Those times are the times I remember the best. Falling asleep beside each other, with the dogs under the covers and a movie playing in the background. Then the next morning our dad would come wake us up by opening the curtains and joking how we looked like zombies. He was usually right. He would bring us coffee in bed, and there we would stay until we felt like being decent human beings again. That point was usually reached by midday.

Another one of my favourite memories was when we were washing dishes. It was during the time the dishwasher was broken. My mum was washing dishes, and my sisters, dad and I dried them and packed them away. So we’re drying the dishes and obviously the more we dry the wetter the towels become. What started as a simple chore, turned into a full on wet towel war. Spinning the wet towels, then hitting each other on the legs while trying to run away from someone else’s towel. The hilarious battle of trying to dodge hits while trying to smack someone else moved outside. There were no lights on, so you had to be careful of the pool, the excited dogs and whatever else may be waiting for you outside. The night ended with lots of laughs, purple marks on our legs and something I will always remember. 

If I have to think of all the things my sisters and I did, I could write a book about all our adventures. From the times we stood in the middle of the street trying to hitch a ride as a joke then freaking out when someone actually pulled over, to building hammocks in trees, and a stage that toppled over and nearly left us with broken arms. 

We would tell each other scary stories before bed, then be too terrified to go to sleep so end up cuddling to console each other. Which would end in the one kicking the other in their sleep. Or we would lie on the trampoline under the stars, and talk about life. 

Now my older sister is all grown up and living on the other side of the country. Studying and following her dreams. My baby sister is not a baby anymore, and heading to grade 10 next year, and myself, I’ll be in America.

Life is changing. I’m so used to myself growing up. Growing older. That sometimes I forget everyone around me are also growing. Learning. Getting older. More mature. Wiser. Everything is changing. And it’s also difficult. It’s difficult to leave your home country. Especially one that is so beautiful and diverse as South Africa. It’s difficult to think you’ll leave behind your entire support system. People who have always been there. Everything will be different. Everything you’ve ever known and come to love. But perhaps, change may be a good thing 

Love and Blessings

Milanie xx